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‘I am way happier with my husband than I ever expected to be with anyone,’ says a newlywed child of divorce. ‘How can I avoid ruining this?’ Our advice columnist weighs in.
Abigail,
What’s so hard about marriage?
I’ve lived with my husband for three years now, but we’ve been married for only one. We’ve been together, and very enmeshed in each other’s lives, for about six years.
I know this sounds flippant and arrogant, but I am way happier with my husband than I ever expected to be with anyone. It’s crazy to me how much he loves me. Somehow I married this guy. How can I avoid ruining this? I am a child of divorce and I fear that somehow, without my knowing, the other shoe will drop.
I was always someone who did her homework ahead of schedule. So maybe that’s what drives my urge to understand why everyone says marriage is so hard, and to try to get ahead of it. I know if we are so lucky to have kids we will be sleep-deprived and unhappy, which makes sense, but I feel like the general cultural narrative about marriage being hard extends beyond those early childbearing years. Is it that the damage done in that phase is permanent, so you hate your husband forever?
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Abigail Shrier is a senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute and the New York Times bestselling author of Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up.