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‘I’ve spent the last six years walking on eggshells,’ writes a mom whose daughter is now 18. ‘Is it okay to . . . not care anymore?’ Our advice columnist weighs in.
Dear Abigail,
I am the mother of an 18-year-old daughter who is about six years into her declaration of transgenderism. (I will spare you the background, but suffice it to say: pandemic, Discord chat rooms, peer group.) All this time, my husband and I have walked the tightrope of maintaining a loving relationship with her while maintaining strict boundaries. We fought with the school relentlessly about her name. We forced her to use her real name when she got a job, telling her it was linked to her bank account and doing otherwise would be too confusing. We told her we would only pay for her music lessons if she used her real name at the studio. We told her that if she wanted to use another name with her friends, that was fine: That’s what nicknames are for. For us, the line we did not want her to cross was asking adults to use another name, because it was not appropriate. (We know she broke this rule, but at least we tried.) And, of course, we prayed. We prayed this would resolve itself before adulthood.
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Abigail Shrier is a senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute and the New York Times bestselling author of Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up.