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‘I love the idea of a big, noisy, happy family,’ writes a 35-year-old mom. But her husband ‘worries that the dynamics of three might be hard.’ Our advice columnist weighs in.
Dear Abigail,
My husband and I are struggling deeply with the question of whether or not we want more kids. We have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful boys, who are 3 and 1. We’ve had a blast with parenting so far; these years with young kids have been a lot more fun than we thought they’d be. I loved the baby stage, and would really enjoy another. But, of course, babies grow up, and we’re debating on the logistics of adding another child—another whole person—into the mix.
Mostly, my husband is worried about timing. He dreams about biking, hiking, and traveling with our boys, and worries another child, two years younger at the very least, would slow down the adventures he might have with the older two. He’s excited for the things we can do with older, more independent kids, and he doesn’t want to hold them back. He also worries that the dynamics of three might be hard, with one being left out, especially if we end up having another boy. Finances are a concern, obviously, as are the sheer logistics of managing three young kids, since my husband tends to travel for work a lot, leaving me home alone with the boys (which I don’t resent—it’s part of our familial bargain—but it is hard to imagine parenting on my own with ANOTHER small body to keep safe, fed, and happy).
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Abigail Shrier is a senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute and the New York Times bestselling author of Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up.