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A wife with three young kids is trying to be grateful for the man she married. She asks our advice columnist: ‘How long do I try?’
I’m 40 and married with three kids ages 2, 4, and 6, and I’m not in love with my husband of eight years anymore. Or I should say that, sometimes, I get periods of grace where I fall in love with him again for a few days or weeks. But often, at least half the time, I’m just going through the motions when I say, “I love you,” or kiss him, or agree to have sex. I try and try. I really do. We’ve done couples therapy, I make lists of the things I’m grateful for about him, and I try to be loving and gracious even when I don’t feel loving and gracious. How long do I try? I don’t want to wreck my kids’ lives or his life or our financial future. Do I raise the kids to young adults and then reevaluate? Do I leave sooner so he/we have another chance at love? Is this just what long-term monogamy feels like? Any words of wisdom for me?
Sincerely,
Eleanor
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Abigail Shrier is a senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute and the New York Times bestselling author of Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up.